Emotions as waves
Emotions are temporary experiences that, like ocean waves, rise in intensity, reach peak and naturally subside. Instead of fighting or suppressing distressing feelings-which often makes them last longer- ‘riding the wave’ is a mindfulness-based technique that involves observing emotions without judgment until they pass, usually within a few minutes. Thinking of emotions as a wave is a powerful metaphor that describes their natural, temporary life cycle rendering them less scary and more manageable.
The 90 second rule
The 90-second rule suggests that the physiological lifespan of an emotion-from the initial trigger to the chemical flush-out- lasts approximately 90 seconds. According to this rule, any emotional distress felt beyond that window is usually sustained by our thoughts re-triggering the chemical response. In other words, if the wave of a distressing emotion lingers for longer, it is because we are feeding it by our repetitive negative thoughts or by trying to fight it and suppress it.
The 90 second Biological timeline
When you are emotionally triggered, your body goes through a rapid, automated chemical process
- 0-6 seconds: The amygdala fires, sounding a survival alarm
- 6-90 seconds: Stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol flood your bloodstream, causing physical sensations like a racing heart, tense muscles, or a tight chest.
- After 90 seconds: The initial chemical surge is naturally processed and cleared from your nervous system by your body
The goal, therefore, is to ‘ride out’ or ‘surf’ the biological wave without feeding it with a mental narrative.
Key Concepts of the ‘Wave’ Metaphor
- Impermanence: Distressing emotions cannot stay at high levels forever; they are designed to pass
- The Anatomy of a Wave: Emotions have a beginning, a peak (where they feel most intense), and a falling action.
- Rising Intensities: Similar to ocean waves, emotions can be gentle ripples or overwhelming tsunamis
- Physical Component: Emotions are felt in the body as energy, often starting as physical sensations (tightness, heat, racing heart) before the peak.
How to ‘Surf’ your Emotions
The technique, often called Emotion Surfing or Ride the Wave, involves these steps:
- S– Spot it: Spot the emotion early without making a judgment, and name it- I notice anger/anxiety/ fear building. View the emotion neutrally, as energy flowing through the body or tension, rather than ‘good’ or ‘bad’
- U– Understand it: Be curious about the trigger without over-analyzing.
- R– Ride it: Allow the feeling to reach its peak without attempting to suppress it or act on it (e.g stopping the urge to shout or escape). Breath through the peak and stay present. Focus on your breathing rather than rushing to avoid the feeling. This keeps you grounded rather than reacting immediately. Avoid making major decisions while at the ‘crest’ of the wave
- F– Flow Forward: As the peak passes, the emotion will naturally subside on its own, allowing you to react with more clarity later
Why “Fight the Wave” Fails
Trying to ignore, suppress, or fight intense emotions (e.g using food, screens, or alcohol to numb feelings, escape or avoid situations) often causes the wave to last longer or return with more intensity. By accepting that an emotion is present and allowing it to move through, you learn that you can survive intense experiences without needing to react destructively and you offer your nervous system and body to metabolize it organically.
Very Important
While the Wave Metaphor and the SURF framework is a helpful tool for stress, anxiety, anger, phobias and OCD urges, it is not suitable for complex states like Grief or Trauma.
